it's about time...i ordered this years ago!

they say that history repeats itself. but i don't believe that it does. i think that that statement applies only to those who never learn from their mistakes or grow from their experiences. these are the people who continue on in life without ever realizing that the problem sometimes comes from them.

it's so easy to point fingers and to divert the blame. but, in the end, the only way to prevent life from being so cyclical is to admit to your flaws, claim responsibility for your faults and better yourself in the process.

the past few weeks have been a journey of self-discovery, self-awareness and personal reflection. unfortunately, to some, that's a bad thing; it's uncharitable and selfish. 

but that mentality is exactly where the problem lies.

in this part of the world we are so involved in doing good for others -and doing otherwise is considered being self-absorbed or egocentric. 

but i beg to differ. 

committing acts of goodwill does not mean you're a good person. a lot of those acts are performed for selfish reasons. and the pretext of doing something for a "good cause" is not always the reason or objective behind one's motivation to do it.

at the same time, self-development and self-improvement are internal accomplishments; which, in turn, translate into outward goodness. so, it's not a bad thing to discover who you are, what you want and what values are important to you because in the end, goodness has to come from within. it has to come from you. being "good" doesn't count when it's something you're being forced to do; or something you feel is expected of you.

oddly enough, i was called an atheist this week by a complete stranger. and although i could have let that incident ruin my entire day, i didn't. instead, i was able to think through the notions of god and religion and morality...and how those things affect me. 

just because you don't believe in religion -it doesn't mean you don't believe religion exists. although i personally think that religion is the primary source of conflict in the world. which is ironic given the teachings its supposed to adhere to. but at the same time, that doesn't mean that i don't believe in a god or a supernatural power. i may not believe in your god or call him what you call him -heck, maybe he's a her...who knows? but i believe in a higher power...something has to have brought us here. we didn't just come to be out of nothing.

anyway, i suppose that with that comment being made, i was given the chance to witness complete ignorance. which makes me truly appreciate the fact that i wasn't brought up that way and that i was given the chance to develop my own belief system and to find myself without being bound to an institution that suffocates the life out of freedom of thought and choice.

and because of that; because of being given the opportunity to think for myself and the choice to choose the rules by which to live my life, where i am today is a place i've never been before. and to be completely honest, i never thought i'd get here. but with everything i've been through, i've tried my hardest to learn from it all...and as hard as the past has been, i am who i am today because of it.

and personally, i really like me now =)