dear gary,

it's taken me some time to sort through what has happened, where i stand in the bigger picture, how i feel about it and just how to make sense of it all. even now, i mean, things aren't set in stone as far as what the reality of the situation is -or was. and i have to admit, not being there, to witness the finality -or to, perhaps, gain some sense of closure- ended up being something i really regret not doing.

as much as you can never know what the day will bring, being true to who you are and what you value is what gets you through even the toughest of times. and that day, i had no idea what i was waking up to or what was in store for me beyond washing my face, brushing my teeth and taking my puppy out for his morning walk. you really can never know who you'll meet, who you'll make an impression upon or whose life you'll somehow affect.

..you just can't know.

and in hindsight, it's, i guess a matter of, did i do the right thing? was i just doing my job? could i have done anything differently? was i there for some greater reason, above and beyond the obvious?

and in a lot of ways, i'm sorry...for a lot of things. on the other hand, from an optimist's perspective, was i an element of the equation that managed to grant you those last 6 days? maybe those were, in fact, what counted the most. it's just frustrating, only knowing one side to the story. i sometimes wish i had a little bit more to work with...

and with everything having been already said and done, what i got out of this is more than i thought i would. you've given me perspective...which i rarely gain, but absolutely love.

so, thank you.