when is enough, enough?

after being to hell and back -and surviving -how on earth do you know when and where to draw the line? how much more can you take? how much more is actually worth the fight?

maybe the easy way out of all this is to be angry, feel total resentment and simply walk away from it all. but. what if, by doing that, i'm potentially making the biggest mistake of my life?

i don't know what more i could have done other than stand by you through thick and thin; in times of weakness and in times of strength; through all the good...and all the bad. but what i do know is that i did a lot of things wrong. and what's worse is i didn't do a lot of the right things -the things i should have done.

and i'm not apologizing because you told me to. i'm apologizing because i'm sorry.

unfortunately, as is the case with everything else in my life, i have, yet again, successfully managed to make a complete and utter mess of things. and to make things even better, this place i've recently found myself situated in is one in which i simply can neither handle the stress of sorting through our very intricate history, nor can i deal with making sense of the emotions that inevitably exist between us versus what's being said versus what's being done.

i honestly don't know what to tell myself anymore...my emotions are possibly as overwhelming as i am crazy. maybe it's just a rough patch..one that'll hopefully be over, sooner than later...or maybe it's not. whatever the case, only time will tell.

i just want to say i'm sorry. for everything. and i said i hated you...but i lied.