alien*nation

it's inevitable. i can't help it, figure it out or fix it...it just is what it is.

this year, reading week has been...interesting, to say the least. it's been pretty quiet, really. i haven't done much. been to the gym more than anything else, besides being at work. and now that the weekend's approaching and reading week's coming to a close, plans are starting to materialize here and there.

except, i don't really feel like seeing anybody or getting dressed up to go out...or wasting the time, effort and energy to do so. the only person i was looking forward to seeing over reading week is off-limits to me right now. so that leaves nobody on my "i-really-want-to-see-you" list.

lately, it's been difficult finding that middle path. there's a really, really big part of me that wants to commit wholly to my training and eating clean -at the same time, i feel that if that's the path i choose to take, i'm going to end up losing a lot of people and breaking a lot of friendships in the process.

and it's starting already. part of the reason behind my anti-social sentiments is because i don't care to interrupt my momentum by going out, eating shit food and having drinks -for what really? at the same time, i really don't have it in me to sit around and hear about how much fun i'm really not -or realize it, for that matter.

yea, my idea of fun is doing a pilates class -or going for a run together. and maybe it's not your idea of "fun"...but i don't really see what's so great about going out, looking like a hooker, behaving like one for that little bit of male attention and drinking yourself to pieces in the hopes that that male attention lasts till the next morning, either.

so, my solution to that is just to stay in and keep myself occupied. maybe rent a movie, surf the internet, do some research on bodybuilding.com...download music, find new sheet music to play...whatever really.

it's hard to see the grounds upon which you have things in common with your friends dissolve. and maybe this is just the beginning of another cycle -at the end of which, i'll know who my friends really are. but i can't sacrifice my eating and training for a social dinner or a night out with the girls because it's just too important to me and, i mean, out of all the things to do, why do social events always have to center around food and alcohol?

it's frustrating.

so, we'll see where all this goes. i just have to take things one day at a time and keep my goals in mind. remember: it's all about being a hardbody vs. a nobody.