the finish line.

up until now, life has been a marathon: for the duration of which i've been running, non-stop; trying to get to where i'm going -and be the first one there -without having the slightest idea as to where the road is taking me. not to mention never taking even a second to glance back or pace myself.

and i genuinely enjoy running -don't get me wrong. but, i've come to realize that there's a difference between running towards that end goal for which you've trained over the past 6 months to accomplish, versus running away from some thing, person or concept -as if you're being chased -with little sense of accomplishment and no end in sight.

the harsh reality of it all is that i am guilty of the latter.

i don't know how i do it. i've always given myself a reason to keep going, with no purpose, no direction...not even a justification as to why it is i do what i do. it's been a difficult truth to face, having most of the decisions i've made up until now amount to significantly less than i what i had originally hoped. what's even harder is knowing that as a result of the path i once blindly committed myself to, things now -as removed as they seem from my previous life -are still affected by each of those stupid mistakes i once made and the things i knowingly did but shouldn't have done. ultimately, running away creates a distance between me and each of those bad choices, which is comforting at the end of it all.

but i've bore the consequences, i've paid my dues; and i'm tired of running.

it's never easy, closing a chapter of your life -not knowing where or how to start in writing the next one. but, since all good things come to an end, it's about time i draw the line. 

hate to break it to ya, but the marathon's over, folks.