five minutes to hometime.

to be a hypocrite and exist in a state of bliss due to one's ignorance -or denial -of the fact is one thing. but to feel like one, on the flip side -knowing you are one, rather -is like opening a second, much larger, sardine-packed can of worms. and although i try my best to express what i mean and am a true believer in that i mean what i say; i will admit to failing to remember to think before i speak. and, i've come to realize that that, in itself, likely degrades that i do, in fact, mean the things i say when i say them.

which puts me in a bit of a sticky situation.

in my defense, despite the fact that i occasionally do not think in advance of opening my mouth, i have, recently, learned how to appreciate keeping quiet in a number of circumstances. silence is almighty. and, believe it or not: for the duration of those instances which i refrain from speaking, i am thinking.

and it has nothing to do with the fact that i cannot consolidate thinking and speaking into a single fluid task -despite the extent to which it may appear as if i am capable solely of one without the other. however, if you belong to the elite school of thought from which i would like to think i descend; what i say, i do so on the basis of emotion (which usually leaves little room for logic) -and therefore mean. and the things i don't say -are usually left unsaid for some greater reason, which, as shocking as that may sound, i somehow deduce every once in a while.

anyway, my point (and no, this is not an excuse): sometimes things turn out in a way such that a series of fortunate events will not synchronize perfectly with the things you say when you say them and the way you feel slightly before or after you just so happen to have said them. and it is thereby this "discrepancy" that one would potentially find him or herself in a situation which has "hypocrite" written all over it in bolded, block letters.

and whereas a certain someone may be of the view that there is no way to reconcile this inconsistency, i have faith in the concept that intent is what, ultimately, should dictate the severity of the crime and in turn, the appropriate punishment. in my defense, since my intentions have always been of the purest form, i'm really, really hoping that as far as the latter is concerned, there will be none.