yesterday once more.

it's been almost two years since that god-awful day and i remember it as if it were only yesterday.

well...i do and i don't.

all i remember is getting that phone call, not caring about being on my cell phone right in front of the librarian, running over to the next building in search of that morning's paper, reading the obituary, calling my dad, without knowing what else to do, and having him tell me to calm down because i was hysterical and he couldn't understand a word i was saying.

then it hit me. all at once. like a ton of bricks.
and i don't remember what came next...

and whereas they say time heals all wounds, regardless of how much time passes, this type of pain never seems to subside. and there are a million and one things that remind me of you that, somehow, never fail to make me stop and think of just how much i miss you.

and for a long time, i neglected being happy so that i wouldn't feel as if i'd failed you. i thought it was the least i could do. but i now know that that's not what you'd want for me.

so, thank you.

thank you for all the pep talks, the laughs, the fights and the mini heart attacks i suffered as a result of your driving the safari in flip flops. thank you for watching over me and guiding me through the hardest year and a half of my life. thank you for everything you gave me while you were here...and all that you continue to give me, even though you're gone.

i just can't believe it'll be two years tomorrow.

i miss you so, so, so terribly.

until we meet again...
rest in peace, angel xo.